Do you want to go back to your ex? Or are you missing your ex and wondering if getting back together is a good idea? Breakups are tough, and deciding to restart a past relationship can be even harder. Before making any moves, it’s important to stop and think. Are you truly ready to give things another shot, or are you stuck in the feelings of the past? Here are some important questions you should ask yourself first.
Understand what went wrong
First things first — do you both understand why the relationship ended? Maybe your ex struggled with emotional issues that became too hard to handle, or perhaps you reacted defensively during arguments, which made things worse. It’s also possible that you both communicated in very different ways, and over time, that created distance between you.
Figuring out what went wrong is key to knowing whether things can be fixed. Both of you should think about the part you played in the breakup. For example, if your ex broke up with you suddenly and now wants to come back — but still won’t admit they were emotionally distant — that’s a warning sign. If they can’t own up to their mistakes, it might not be a good idea to get back together.
Are you missing them or just the comfort?
It’s completely normal to feel unsure about what you’re really missing after a breakup. Ask yourself — do you truly miss the person, or do you miss the comfort and familiarity they brought? Maybe you leaned on them for emotional support, laughter, and comfort, so it’s natural to feel like you want that back.
However, relying on an ex to fill a void or make you feel less lonely isn’t healthy. In fact, it can make you feel even more disconnected in the long run. Take some time to figure out whether you miss the person for who they are — or if you just miss the idea of having someone around.
Are both of you equally committed?
Relationships work best when both people put in effort. Even if you really want things to work this time, you can’t make your ex feel the same way. It’s not fair if you’re the only one texting, starting serious conversations, or trying to fix things.
If your ex truly wants to get back together, they should also be willing to talk about tough topics — without you having to push them. A healthy relationship needs balance. One person shouldn’t carry all the emotional weight. If you’re the only one trying, it’s a sign that things might not work out.
Is there proof things have changed?
Saying, “It’ll be different this time!” isn’t enough to fix a broken relationship. You need to see real changes — not just hear promises. Actions like apologising, taking responsibility for mistakes, and working to improve things are more important than words.
Think about what you and your ex did during the time apart. Did either of you learn or grow from the breakup? If both of you are still stuck in the same old habits, the relationship will likely end the same way it did before. Real change is what matters.
How can you avoid falling back into old patterns?
Looking ahead is just as important as thinking about the past. If trust was broken, you’ll need to rebuild it. This might mean setting new boundaries — like staying away from old flames or being more open about where you are and what you’re doing.
If fighting was a big issue before, you’ll also need a better way to handle disagreements. No relationship is perfect, but learning to argue without hurting each other can make a big difference.
Getting back with an ex can feel exciting, but it’s not always easy. Before you decide, ask yourself why you really want to try again. Both of you should be ready to make real changes. A second chance can work — but only if you’ve both grown, fixed old problems and truly want to build a healthier, happier relationship.
Most importantly, remember your own happiness matters. A good relationship should bring you peace, growth, and real love. If it doesn’t, it might be time to let go and start fresh.
You might also be interested in: We don’t age gradually—our bodies take two big leaps instead, scientists say
